I’ll never forget our very first court appearance. My attorney and myself are sitting on one end along with my dad who I brought with me for moral support ,after all I was 4 months pregnant and with everything that had already happened i was starting to feel the effects of this divorce.My ex-husband and his attorney along with his mom are sitting at the far right of me.I looked up at my ex husband and remembered thinking if only we could have waited until the baby was born. I remembered asking my ex husband if we could wait until the baby comes to proceed with the divorce,but he declined.I hadn’t changed my mind,but I realized that I would be focusing on our divorce instead of joy that I had growing inside me. I wanted to have a stress free pregnancy,but when your going through a divorce regardless if we had waited that just wasn’t possible.
As I’m waiting for our case to be called I remember thinking how awkward it felt to be sitting on the other side of someone who you spent 12 years with. It was as if we were strangers.We were once a team and now were at war with each other. It felt very strange.I had an adrenaline rush while waiting aimlessly for the judge to finally call our names.My heart was racing. I felt a sense of nervousness,however that rush would soon fade as the judge would finally call out our names. We were up next. The reality had set in as he was calling our names.I thought to my self “wow I’m getting a divorce” Were really doing this”. I will be bringing our baby into this world by myself. Our divorce wasn’t final until after the baby was born,however I made the decision to not have him there for the birth. I needed peace for my child’s sake and for mine.Our divorce was anything but peaceful.In fact it was more like a suspense novel, war of the roses my attorney once called it.
I never imagined my life turning out this way and even worse loving someone for 12 years only to have them trash you on the way out. As I sat in the courtroom for the first time listening to the judge talk. We were no longer Mr & Mrs. We were now petitioner verses respondent. I never imagined that this was going to be one of several more court appearances that I was going to make while pregnant and thereafter. This divorce was turning out to be a knock down drag out fight. After hearing the accusations my soon to be ex husband said about me I knew that he was going to fight me tooth and nail for everything especially the kids.He was out to destroy me. I wasn’t shocked because at this point I had read everything about narcissism and he was turning out to be everything that I read about.The typical narcissist.
Instead of getting upset about everything that I had been through which included being forced out my house,my car being taken away( I now have it back and fully paid for) because it was in his business name and because he could out of spite and much much more. I decided to put my faith even more now than ever in the all mighty god. I gave up the idea of being able to get back in my house and I got my own place. I gave up all furniture and bought my own. I remember my ex throwing all of my stuff in garbage bags and giving them to me. I thought to myself “who is this thoughtless person” I didn’t get mad though because I was about to embark on a new journey. I was going to be free.
I was 9 months pregnant when I moved into my own apartment.I was determined not to give up so I fought like hell for my kids,my car (I rented a car while I was litigating trying to get my old car back) and although I knew this was the beginning of a long and exhausting court battle. I knew that justice would eventually prevail, because I had the truth by myside.I knew who I was and where I wanted to be.I started to mentally prepare myself for the uphill battle. I didn’t look at the now,but I thought of the future and I knew it looked bright.In the next blog entry I will finally talk about how to take care a newborn alone. I know I promised to discuss that in this entry,but I wanted to give some insight on what happened right before my beautiful baby boy was born. Until the next time…
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