Monthly Archives: June 2014

Miranda rights

I think that before you get married whether It’s the priest,minister,rabbi,or whomever your having marry you should read each of you your “Miranda rights” or shall I say my revised version of the Miranda rights. It should go like this” You have the right to remain silent.Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law eventually,because after all 50% of marriages end in divorce and well I think if we knew that everything we say and do would be used against us in a court of law then I’m sure most of us would do things differently.When you get married most of the time everything is all good,but the truth of the matter is when you don’t get along most of us that are about to embark upon divorce don’t realize that it just might get ugly. In my case things got really ugly.I never thought that when I said my marriage vows that one day everything I said and did would be used against me. My ex husband threw the kitchen sink at me (no literally) he used everything he could to use against me to gain the upper hand in our custody dispute. He even used things against me that I didn’t do. He literally tried to paint the ugliest picture of me that he could.Meanwhile I just simply told the truth,even though others encouraged me to fight ugly and just as dirty.I do believe that if I was read my Miranda rights things would be different,however when your dealing with a narcissist there’s no preparation in that. The only way to escape a “narc” (that’s my nickname for a narcissist) is to either do what they want or run once you get the slightest inkling that they’re a narc. I of course didn’t become aware that my ex was a narc until it was too late. I was 2 kids deep and approaching a divorce. I was still naive to think that we could actually be civil. Boy was I wrong.Narcs only think about themselves and this narc was all about his “money”. If I walked away with nothing then everything would have been great,but dare i to ask for anything then there was hell to pay.If I had to do it all over again I would of probley still married the narc and even had the 2 kids because I fell in love,but I would have damn sure of prepared myself for what I was going to be in for once I decided that I wanted out.

The one thing that I did that my narc hated was I fought back,but because of what he said I had to prove that I was a good mother to my children when my narc said I wasn’t, even though throughout our marriage he always said I was such a good mom. I fought back and I won. My advice to anyone going through a divorce with a narc is not to be blind.Always assume that “everything you say or do will be used against you in a court of law “eventually” because if a narc thinks that he’s loosing control he will do or say anything to bring you down…In my next blog I will talk about characteristics of a Narcissist. Narcs need to come with warning signs that state “im a narcissist be aware” I’m dangerous.I’m unpredictable and I’m very charming and handsome. I will lie to get what I want and if you don’t do what I say I will destroy you. I will lie to my lie to my family. I will do my best to turn our children against you.I want you to have nothing,but what i’m willing to give you. Narcissistic personality disorder is serious and its scary. Please be aware.

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New beginings

I’m a extremely positive person. I’m very hopeful,perhaps the type of positive person that is often times annoying because even when I’m faced with hard times you would never know it. I have a tendency to always look on the bright side. That’s my natural disposition. I wont be and can’t be anything else.I do know now that It’s ok to be sad and It’s also ok to not feel positive all the time and to go through bad things.Its unrealistic to think that bad things aren’t going to happen to you,but when It happened to me the big “D” word. I thought ok well this is my time. I’m going to embrace it and take it all in,but at the same time I’m going to make the best out it. My new beginning was just that. I was going to start a journey.A journey different from the one that I had envisioned,but I’m going to be happy.I promised myself not to be hard on myself. My new beginning was going to be awesome. Although filled with good times and bad times. I was going to embrace every bit of it and I did just that.

I remember my ex and I talking about lawyers and custody and I thought to myself you know what I want to go to new York. I started to think of all the things that I wanted to do that my ex didn’t. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was determined to live again. I was no longer under his control.I no longer needed his permission to do the things I desired. My aunt lives in New York so I called her up and told her what I was going through and she told me when I was ready I always had a place to stay. Well it would be another month or so until I actually took her up on he offer.My ex and I had went through a situation that was very bad,police were involved it was downright terrible. I talk about it in my book so I don’t really want to give it away. Anyways after that situation I said you “you know what I’m going to New York”.I need to get away and regroup. I thought to myself I wont be able to go when the baby gets here so why not “carpe diem” and I did just that.

I planned my trip rather quickly,but everything fell into place like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.My plane trip was booked. I remember being on the plan and feeling free. I felt so good I was finally doing me again.I arrived at the airport and I remember waiting for my luggage I had on flats for the airport,but as soon as I landed I opted for sexier shoes so I put on my wedges.While I was waiting for my luggage one of the baggage boys told me that he thought pregnant women were sexy and to let him help me with my luggage.I thought you know what “im sexy and I know it,lol” It felt so good. Yeah I was getting a divorce but the thought of being able to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do felt so good.I didn’t have to no longer live up to my ex husband unrealistic expectations on being “Perfect”.

My trip to new York was nothing short of amazing. I was blessed to experience new York like a celebrity all thanks to my aunt and her husband. They took off work and took me everywhere I wanted to go.They went all out to make me feel like a princess. I went downtown Manhattan to go shopping. I saw many of the famous bridges including the Brooklyn bridge. I went on a boat ride and saw the statue of liberty,went to every chic restaurant one could only wish to eat at.. I had literally the best pizza ever. (New York isn’t cheap by the way,lol) I went on a horse and carriage ride in central park.I went to the shopping district where they have like 4-5 blocks of swap meet type places and little hot dog stands. I went to the top of New York’s largest building to see all of New York in one shot.I saw the trade buildings on the boat cruise. I had so much fun.When I came home from new York. I was ready to fight for my kids. I was ready to embark on a new journey.This blog is dedicated to my Aunt Laurie for everything she’s done for me.I can never repay her,but I will always show my gratitude.I love you.

When I came back from New York like I mentioned in the previous blog. I got my apartment. I bought new furniture and was ready to start my new life as a single mother. I started to nest as every expecting mother does.I couldn’t wait to become a new mother. A single mother. I used to be ashamed that I was a single mother,but now I feel empowered. I never thought I would ever become a single mother,but now I’m at peace. I’m happy.I’m free.I remember being at the hospital about to give birth to my beautiful baby boy and I thought to myself “how am I going to do this”but as I held him in my arms after a long and arduous birth all those fears went away. I was a new mother. I thought I can do anything I put my mind to do because im a warrior mom and warrior moms do what they have to do to survive just like animals do.My sons birth was long. I had to have a c-section because at the last moment he decided to go from being faced down to sunny side up which is not good so instead of waiting any longer.

I decided to have a c-section. I was so disappointed with myself at the time for having a c-section because my daughters birth natural and was so easy 4 pushes and she was here,but my son was feisty he wanted to do things his way and funny thing he hasn’t changed,lol He’s still the same as he was when he was in my womb,but I love him more and more everyday.

When I brought him home I had no one to help me,but I didn’t let that get me down.I would like to add this blog isn’t about having a pity party,this is about empowerment.I was walking and feeling great right after birth no complications with my C-section. I was ready to conquer the world c-section and all.I was happy my baby boy was healthy and alert and so very beautiful. I didn’t have time to dwell. I was in warrior mom mode. As I’m writing this I’m gloating because I’m proud. I did it. I also breastfed him and still am.I got no sleep. No help. (He’s 20 months now) it was hard,but it was rewarding. It was peaceful. I didn’t have my ex telling me that I was doing everything wrong.I didn’t have him refusing to help me like he did with my daughter because I was home and he was working and taking care of her is what I was supposed to do.It was my job he would say. I just had me.I did it. I’m proud. I’m a warrior. No one can take that from me.New beginings are just that. A time to reflect and make changes and to start over fresh. I always thought to myself “the best is yet to come”.Like my Aunt Laurie once told me “This too shall pass” This blog entry is dedicated to my Aunt Laurie.Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thanks to Her amazing husband as well.. I love you guys!

My disclaimer

Every single content of my blog is my own personal opinion written by me. I do not intend to harm, offend, or bias anyone in any way who reads my blog either racial, age, sexual orientation, or occupation. Read and comment at Your Own Risk.