This blog is dedicated to all of the Mothers & fathers going to battle with a narcissist. I started this blog over a year and half ago because I was able to fulfill my passion of writing and my new passion for sharing what I experienced when facing what became a 3 year down right ugly custody battle that’s still really ongoing,however most of the dust has settled.I decided to take my power back and I’m so glad that I did.
When dealing with a narcissist you need to prepare for battle. In some of my first blog entries I told you what happened with my divorce now I’m about to tell you how to prepare for battle. Your going to need a few items before we continue. Your going to need full head-gear yep that’s right I said it. Helmut,knee pads face shield,sword which for me was my bible and my family. You will need full head-gear because all of the lies,false accusations,the transfer of emotions,character assignations,the reindeer games that they love to play.
For example I was 4/5 months pregnant when I asked for divorce. My ex and I came to agreement that we were going to wait until after our son was born to start the divorce proceedings,but at the last-minute as many narcs do he changed his mind and here I am getting a knock on our door (we were still living together at the time) As soon as the guy knocked a strange feeling came over me and there I was getting served divorce papers. I thought really? You had to pay someone to serve me papers.As I shut the door my heart was racing I instantly sat down I sat there for about 20 minutes just looking at the papers,scared to read all of the lies and everything that he had written,but I finally opened the documents and my heart sank. At that moment I knew it was about to get ugly and I was right.
The lesson I learned here is that whenever a narcissist tells you something they almost always mean the exact opposite. They just want to thow you off track and then that’s when they strike.They’re once again very charming but always deliberate.You can’t trust them. You can’t let your guard down which for women is hard because were emotional,but In their minds its you or him,this is survival mode in other words. I must control this situation.I must win. I will lie. I will cheat. I will do what it takes as long as I win.
Shortly after I received the divorce papers I was all ready to counter. I was no lazy sheep waiting for someone to come rescue me. I had a lawyer all ready and paperwork sent out because I knew the type of guy I was dealing with and being pregnant that I needed reinforcement,however what I didn’t know was that he was going to start playing reindeer games with the police.He would try to talk to me while living in the house and when I refused he would threaten me that he would call the police and tell them that I hit him a few times and twice he actually made good on his promise which would ultimately change my life forever.
My advice is once its established that your divorcing a narcissist leave the house immediately. You’re in danger. They’re out of control because they’ve lost it and therefore makes them extremely dangerous.
My additional suggestion is if you can afford a lawyer please do your research and find one that has dealt with a narcissist in court.
If you can’t afford a lawyer then go to onemomsbattle via facebook.Its the only source that will practically answer any question you may have about a high conflict divorce. During my journey I didn’t know much about narcissist personality disorder before my divorce. In fact I found out about it when I googled control freaks,because quite frankly that was our biggest issue is he wanted to control me then one thing led to another and I found Tina Swithin. One moms Battle.
I read her blog and my mind was blown wow her story was profoundly similar to mine. I thought I knew I wasn’t crazy. I reached out to Tina and she reached back out quickly and she has helped me and answered any of my questions ever since and it was her blog and facebook page that continued to be my guide along side god and having a lawyer and a paralegal. in the beginning of my journey of divorcing a narcissist.
It was also her blog that introduced me to Jamie who would later also become a pivotal part of my divorce once the judge determined that due to all the reindeer games a psychological evaluation of both parents were needed. Don’t play into they’re reindeer games.