Co-parenting with a narcissist
Co-parenting with a narcissist is like being sentenced to 18 years to life with no possibility of parole. Co-parenting with my ex is absolutely almost worse than being married to him. When you get divorced most often you can’t wait to get away from your ex, but in my case and many other cases I happen to have children with the narc shark (that’s my new pet nickname for him) so I have to still deal with him. My kids are my main priority and although I dislike my ex. I try to co parent for the sake of my kids, but it’s almost impossible to do so because after all were dealing with a Narcissist and Narcissist don’t do anything unless it suits them and that includes being civil.
Let me take you for a ride while I share some of my Narc co-parenting issues that I’ve had to deal with for the last few years. I have primary custody of my son and my ex and I share custody of our daughter so when I have to pick up my son from his visit with his dad I have to wear headphones just to ignore the Narc Shark when he’s shouting obscenities at me. The unfortunate part is the kids still hear him. I hope that one day it gets old for him. The “narc” will keep my kids clothes and when he returns them puts them in old clothes. I’ve learned to just deal with that issue, however The Narc recently went on vacation with my daughter and didn’t tell me until the last minute when they were leaving and on my daughters first day at school he called me a “bitch” when he didn’t get his way. I just ignored the narc, but I’m at the point where enough is enough. I wonder to myself “doesn’t he get tired” I often pray that he will meet someone who will make him happy and he no longer wants to play the games that he plays.
I pride myself with doing the right thing, but the last few years I question myself. I often wonder why I continue to play by the “rules” when my ex continues to use my children as pawns in an attempt to control everything. My ex calls me every dirty name in the book and I I’m constantly fighting fires that my ex narc sets. I’m a fire women and the police. It’s my job to put out fires my ex narc shark sets because I’m here to protect and serve my two beautiful children. They’re the reason that I continue to disengage when they’re dad continues to bash me in front of them. I’m hoping one day they’ll see that mommy did the right thing.
Nothing is worse than having to hear how sad my daughter is after my ex bashes me. “Daddy says you’re on the Z team and were on the A team” I thought wow who says that to a 6 year old child. I supposed one who is emotionally zapped of any emotionally feelings. In the last couple years I’ve learned to not feed the narc. He’s sort of like a gremlin. Have you ever seen the movie? Who if you’ve ever watched the movie? You can’t feed gremlins past midnight because if you do they turn into these ugly little monsters that’s basically how I see my ex. He’s a gremlin and I don’t feed him with any response when he’s mouthing off his crazy talk about how bad I am and how I’m this and I’m that, is crazy because after all he was with me for 12 years and quite frankly if he was so miserable and I was so terrible he should of left before I had the guts to leave first.
Communication with my ex is nonexistent and despite all the craziness my kids are happy and carefree. I’ll take that credit, because they’re dad doesn’t make co-parenting easy. I believe he gets a thrill out of being mean and difficult. Co-parenting with a narcissist is worse than anyone warned me.I was given a book to buy by our child evaluator it’s called “How to coparent with a jerk”. I’ve learned that there is no parenting with a Narc jerk. When you have children as young as we do both parents need to actually try to come together for the sake of the children. Unfortunately at the moment there is no communication between us. We were ordered to communicate through our family wizard but my ex being the narcissist that he is has refused to communicate through that forum so as of now if we absolutely need to talk it’s through his mom who tries to facilitate messages between us. I would talk to my ex but I had to cut off all ties because I refuse to deal with his verbal abuse so I did something about it. I blocked his number from texting me his crazy talk. If he needs to talk to me he can call me at home and the moment that he starts his crazy talk I just hang up. I refuse to listen to him verbally abuse me.Its the main reason I asked for divorce. At first I thought maybe that I rush to judgment in our divorce, but the more that time has gone by I realize it was the best thing that I did. I feel sorry for my children, but in the end I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s not easy being a single mother, but I have a new sense of joy in my life. I’m in love with life. I love my children and I’m in a really great place. My advice to anyone going through a similar situation is to block out all of the negativity and focus on your children and do the things you love. My family and friends support is amazing. I have some of the most amazing people in my corner and no matter how much my ex tries to mess with me I win because I refuse to engage in his craziness….. Co-parenting with a “narc” is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I’m willing to do anything for my children. I refuse to let one unhappy person effect my life. In my future blogs I will talk about day to day life as a single mother. Thank you for your support!!!